Awkwardness: My middle name
This past week I learned some dis-heartening news about a couple at my church who were about to get married this spring. Apparently he decided to call things off and she is left broken-hearted. I am good friends with her family and knew I was going to see her at church on Sunday. I have come to realize that I am the queen of not knowing what to say to people. Even if I can relate to what they are going through. I think I did ok but I decided to write her a letter instead of leaving her with the words I said to her. I have never been good at knowing what to say to people at funerals or when someone is depressed or any of those sad events. Its like my tongue gets so twisted and all that comes out just seems so petty and weird. I have got to practice my sympathy vocabulary! That sounds really dumb but I am so much better at writing how I feel than telling someone how I feel. I've been like that since forever. For instance I would much rather e-mail someone bad news than have to call them and hear their voice on the phone. Its almost a defense mechanism. Its sad I know but I hate having to communicate bad news with spoken words, I would much rather write them!
Heres my other issue: How do you portray your true feelings of remorse without sounding un-caring or overly emotional? There is a fine fine line between sounding like you care and sounding super fake. I'm always scared that what I say will portray that I don't care or that my words will leave the person feeling like I can't relate to how their feeling. When in truth I just don't know what to say so I say either very little or go into nervous talking. I just hate it! I know with time and experience it will get easier but I wish I had the gift of gab sometimes...
3 Comments:
Sometimes, when your heart is broken, a simple gentle smile with some nice eye contact is all that needs happen. It can even get weary waiting for everyone to put in their two cents, or just knowing that everyone knows and you're going to have to listen to them when all you want to do is cry. Writing her was a really good idea. I'm the same way.
What to say in times of grief? Hard one. Always will be. There's a Sixpence song that has these words (perhaps I'll get a word mixed up, but you'll get the point): It's hard to say a healing word when your heart is paralyzed. (the song is "Paralyzed") My brother & sister-in-law lost their 6 year old son and I had nothing to say to them. I watched as people said stupid things, "It'll all be ok," "Things will get easier," "Maybe it's in God's plan," "He's a lot better off now..." All crap if you ask me. Sometimes there aren't words and just your presence is enough. Anyway, I just felt compelled to say that. And, if you're a Sandra McCracken fan..."Trade My Love" pretty much was written because of her paralysis over what to say/do as she watched a friend grieve.
Thanks a lot for everyone's good suggestions. I think everyone has their own style when it comes to coping with grief related issues and I'm just learning my style!
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