When oh when...
The past few weeks some old insecurities have been creeping around my door. I have found myself in serious doubts about who I am as a person. Am I smart enough, am I pretty enough... I really don't even understand where they are stemming from except the uneasiness I have about my job right now. Its funny to think you've conquered some thoughts about yourself and realize that you haven't really done anything other than suppress them momentarily. Will there ever come a day when I am totally satisfied with myself? My guess is probably not ever. Not to sound like I am depressed or anything its just that monster of self-doubt has really been polluting my brain. And deep down I truly know that I am not the things I have been thinking but its like sometimes I can't get them to shut-up in my head!
You can tell someone 50 times a day that she's pretty, or she's smart but until she believes it herself it is doing no good. I don't mean to sound so serious today, there are other people with greater issues going on in their lives right now and all I can do is whine about how I don't "feel" pretty or smart.....just life I guess.

The million dollar question

So ever since I got engaged, the question I have probably heard over 100 times is, "when is the big day?" To which I don't have a good answer to, probably due to the fact that it took us four years to get this far, do you really think we're going to plot out a DATE this soon. I understand and am so glad that people actually care about the small details of my life but its the age old game of ruining a moment by asking people when they are going to do this, when are they going to do that. I have sworn up and down that from now on I will never ask these questions to anyone:
1. When are you getting married?
2. When are you going to have a baby?
3. When are you going to retire?
4. When are you going to die? (ok so this was the next progression in the question line)

If you ask me the above questions I will not get mad or upset I will just understand that you are just inquisitive about my life and usually mean no harm but after a while the questions just seep into that part of your emotions that ball up anger and annoyance and will one day upon the right person combust. So am I getting married, yes. When is the big day? Probably next year......Am I in a hurry? No. Do I love answering questions? oh yeah!

Havana daydreaming..

So I have been neglecting my writing for the past few weeks due to my total brain power being devoted to my job. I have really been dealing with the fact that I am not so sure that I like doing this anymore. Last week was like hell on earth. I cried on the way home twice last week. Is this what life is all about? I realize that I was extra emotional last week and there was additional stress on everyone last week so my resentment towards the whole thing is probably just me over reacting. But I am just craving to get away from this place.. So call me stupid but I haven't been on vacation in (gulp) two YEARS! I am going on vacation in September to Florida and driving to New Orleans which will hopefully give me a much needed insight to my current hate towards all things associated with my job! I have also fed the idea of running away when I go on vacation and living somewhere on the gulf of Mexico, just leaving all this work fun here and starting over. I am way too chicken to actually ever do this but its fun to think of it as I sit here and price metal by the pounds, feet, and inch.

So I guess I am in need of just some down time, its my fault for not taking a true vacation last year and now I am feeling the consequences...next time I will not be so silly. And I need to quit listening to Buffett! It makes me crave the beach so bad I can't stand it!